The Labee*

Do not judge, or you too will be judged - Matthew 7:1

Before I proceed, allow me to apologize for not explaining the origin of the word “Labee”.  I’ll just limit myself by saying that it’s an abbreviation of a certain personal reflection.

To begin:

Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. Matthew 5:37

So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth. Revelation 3:17

I’m not the one who said these, the first was said personally by our Lord Jesus Christ, the son of God, and the other by St John in the book of revelations, the revelations of God, the creator of heaven and earth and all its seen and unseen inhabitants.

Most Christians, nowadays, have become what the Bible as well as Fathers of the Church describe as Lukewarm. To make it easier and for the fun of it, I shall call them “Labee”s

Labees are not atheists, no no no, they are Christians, and proud of screaming it off the rooftops. They turn all emotional whenever they find themselves in a church, religious event and wherever you find candles. They live their life as if God is only present in churches and “Return to Innocence-Enigma” places. As for elsewhere … He cannot see them, He cannot hear them; they’re not on God’s territory.

Now that you got a bit acquainted with the Labee stereotype I will start by specifically concretizing some major Labee views.

Labee views on Christian life

The Christian life, to all Labees, is something impossible to live; it’s a utopical illusion of a perfect world or even a depiction of Heaven itself, so why walk the extra mile if you know you can’t do it. Labees believe that we have 3 kinds of people the “can-never-be-Saints- but- good-people”, bad people and finally Saints. They easily tag themselves in the first category.

Nota Bene: The “can-never-be-Saints- but- good-people” can also be defined as “not-aiming-for-Sainthood-but-good-Christians” or “Sainthood-is-taking-it too-seriously-my-goodness-is-enough-people”.

Labees believe in God the Father and in Jesus the Son,  but is belief enough... the devil believed in God but what differentiates us Christians from the devil is that radical abiding by the word of God through the Bible.

Labee views on the Bible

The Bible, as you have probably felt from the previous paragraph, is kind of important to sustain a competitive edge over the Devil who shares a common theistic view with us. The Bible is our spiritual ear that allows us to listen to the word of God via the, so called, personal relationship we build with Him. Well Labees believe that the Bible is being taken too literally, they believe than many verses are not as they seem. I believe they have a point there, the 2000 year old church and all its fathers have been busy reading it publicly, throughout the ages, and explaining obvious sentences taken word by word whereas they should have summarized it into an A6 colorful leaflet, making it easier for reading while driving or jogging; but unfortunately Bill Gates wasn't born yet and MS Word and its 70-80% auto-summarize  didn't even exist, maybe in these couple of years Labee technology will boost Christianity to another level…who knows?

Labee views on Clerics

Even though Saint Francis said that “The Servants of God should honor Clerics” in his famous writings addressed to the faithful, he who took the vow of poverty when the Roman Catholic Church was passing through its medieval spiritual warfare, he who refused to proceed in the mission of the Franciscan order before kneeling to the pope innocent III and taking his blessing … even though… most Labees have issues with Clerics, they consider them unworthy of their vocation, unlike all the saints who, according to them,  represent the image a supernatural man walking barefoot and eating sour herbs. Most Labees refuse to confess to Clerics and even refuse to attend mass and participate in the Eucharist due to their mature spiritual judgment of unworthiness. Receiving Holy Communion, the body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ, will surely be “un-genuine” if a sinful Cleric, a hypocrite, a human, is celebrating the Eucharist. Amplifying any mistake these Clerics do as well as falsely accusing them for everything they do, considering it untrue, is the Labee strategy that will bear all the fruit needed to transform the minds, souls and hearts of believers thus creating a better man unlike Adam and Eve who could not but eat the frickin apple.

Labee views on sexuality

As discussed previously some verses in the bible, for example a couple of commandments are either taken too literally or not applicable to our modern liberal times.

“You shall not commit adultery” is one of those old fashioned commandments, a beautiful concept; a poetic statement yet an illusion that can never be applied practically in daily life. Long story short, sexuality is Love when it comes to an unmarried couple, if one of the the partners is married or if marriage is their status but without them being married to each other… it’s a different story, in that case sexuality shall become instinct, an uncontrollable need that explodes on everything that moves. God understands this, he created us, and this commandment should not be taken too literally.

 Paul in his first letter to Corinthians said: “ know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with men” What Paul did is just a scene to create terror and control over all the chaos, back then, in Corinth but he did not mean it literally, the reality is that we shall all inherit the kingdom of God even if we did everything mentioned above because God is Love, he is loving and merciful and as long as we don’t kill, steal, or forget to do the sign of the cross near every church we pass by, we are on the right track. Courage!

Labee views on Love

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud” all those definitions added to several others in the Gospel are approved by Labees but they tend to focus on some more than others; they create a subjective importance. As an outcome you get different Labee forms:

·         The Egoistic-Love Labee: This form is very kind and affectionate, focusing on patience and kindness and neglecting pride which resulted in the great fall of humanity. This Labee ends up becoming the main supplier of kindness and affection with high expectations of getting emotional satisfaction, ego boost as well as social status.  This Labee enjoys upbeat dance music.

·         The Aggressive-Love Labee: To this Labee pride is more or less a secondary issue, he looks humble but patience and kindness are often jeopardized by his mood and daily challenges and thanks to his lack of wisdom end up hating and offending everyone; nevertheless he considers himself very loving, satisfying all the needs of peers  surrounding him. This Labee enjoys upbeat dance music as well as chillout soothing music.

·         The Whats-Love Labee: My personal favorite, this Labee doesn’t really know what love means. Although they might read the bible more than the previous two yet they tend to consider it poetic and end up confused. They follow their emotions, the drivers of their inaccurate definition of Love. This Labee enjoys calm religious chants.

·         The N/A-Love Labee:  This Labee does not fit the three conventional classes or is a combination of 2 or 3 classes. This Labee is very dangerous and any interaction with such a form should be dealt with extreme care, ex. The Egoistic-Aggressive-Whats-Love Labee. This Labee enjoys oriental upbeat or downbeat or middlebeat music but whatever you do don’t stop the beat.

Now that you grasped the Labee concept, if you find yourself sharing any Labee characteristic, eLabeenate it since being a Labee is desLabeelizing and is not Christianity. 

Peace